May 15, 2026, 5 Min Read
The two writings below are the middle and end of my story, which I only shared with a few people for almost 30 years. But after speaking on it at a church retreat, I found healing, freedom, and purpose in telling it every chance I get.
Dear aunts and uncles,
I have something I want to tell you. My sister, brother, and I have started a search for my daughter.
Even though the circumstances of my daughter's birth were so hard, I have prayed and thought of her every day. I feel that it is important to let her know this. Please pray that God's will be done in this search.
When I first met my daughter in 1999, I was unsure of how to react to her and her family.
Whenever she would call, I dropped everything to talk to her because I was afraid that if I didn’t answer she would be upset and not call again. I finally convinced her to leave a message, and now if I'm busy, I don't drop everything to talk with her.
Before I wouldn't tell her if I needed to end the conversation, but now I can tell her, and she is willing to end the conversation.
One thing that is the same is that she doesn't refer to me as mom, mama or mother when we are talking, but if she is talking to someone else, she will say "my mother.”
I'm fine with her not calling me mother. Her grandchildren refer to me as Grandma Jenna.
Jenna was my first friend from New Mexico! From the time I met her, she lived in faith shored up through the generations in her family and by her favorite Bible verse: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 NIV.
My most important tip is about our hearts: Don’t be judgmental of unwed mothers. We don’t know their circumstances, what happened, why it happened. Instead, offer words and care born out of real compassion.
My second tip is if you want to help, find a way that matches your gifts or talents. For instance, our quilting ministry has expanded to make baby quilts and burp cloths for an unwed mother’s home near our city.
Most cities have places that have needs like that or need financial support to carry on, such as Alongside Ministries.
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